Just another day

My buddy Wade flew in yesterday and is staying with us for a few days. He was just here at Christmas and stayed with us then too. He asked about Mum, as he always does, and was happy that she at least remembered him when he was here at Christmas. I told him things were worse, and not to count on it this time.

He got back late and crashed on the couch in the living room. Mum was up early, and she came into my room and asked me if that was Kevin (my brother) sleeping on the couch - my brother who has been in Indonesia for months, and who she just talked to on the phone the day before. I told her it was Wade, and she said she didn't know a "Wade", so there you go.

It is an amazing disease though. You just never know what will stick and what won't. I heard her talking to Wade, saying it was her birthday March 24th, and that she would be 84. She hasn't once remembered how old she is for months, then, out of the blue, she suddenly remembers. Small glimmers of hope in an otherwise dark picture.


And how was your day?

No matter what, you have to see the humor in every day.

Although there is absolutely no humor in this part, and this one gets me angry, last night, Tuesday is movie night, and we go to Wendy's before the show. I heard her in the kitchen around five, opening the fridge and so on, then I hear those wonderful words, "come on Gary, get out here and cook dinner.", shouted ever so sweetly at the top of her lungs. To resist my kill instinct I stayed put, but a few minutes later I heard her playing with the microwave. When I went out to ask her what the hell she was doing, she said she was just getting us some dinner, as though she does that every day. I reminded her she hasn't cooked in three years, and we were going to Wendy's for dinner anyway.

When we went out, and she saw the Real Estate sign, you know, the one that's been here for a week now, she said, "oh, I have a new sign!". When we went out the park entrance, where the Real Estate has a sign for our place for "lakefront property", she said, "oh, our park has a new sign. I've never noticed that before." When we came back she said, "oh, we have a new sign on our house. Are we selling the place?"

Tonight, Wednesday, is Bingo night, as it is every Wednesday. And we go through the same turmoil each and every week, about money, dabbers, purse and so on. Every single week she wants to call her friend to tell her she's not feeling well and won't be going, then her friend calls her back to remind her about Bingo and she goes. Today she asked for the phone to call her, cause she wasn't feeling well, and I said, jokingly, that she calls her every week to tell her that. That set her off, yelling at me that she goes every single week and has never ever called to cancel. Fine. This week, her friend didn't call back for some reason, so Mum asked me for Nancy's number. I said it was on the table by the phone. When I heard the cursing I went out to see what was wrong, and she was mad because she couldn't dial the phone. The reason was because she was trying to call her on the TV remote control. I told her it would work better if she used the phone, which she did. She said her friend sounded disappointed, so she would go.

So then we get to go through the whole turmoil of money, dabbers, coat, purse and so on. It only took about five trips down to her bedroom to get everything. When I asked her to get her coat on, she said she wasn't going to bother to wear it because she had her sweater on. It's about minus ten degrees out, so that was a very bad plan.

Just another day in paradise!


What a sad system!

It's now been three weeks since Mum's status was upgraded to "emergency" first available bed. Some emergency, eh? I even have our provincial MLA's office calling them every day to find out if a spot has become available. When I first contacted them it was to see if there was any way for me to get any assistance to help us survive. They ran into the same roadblock - that I "chose not to work". Talk about out of touch with reality/. Like I have a choice? Failing that they said they had some "special contacts" who could get around the system, and get her treated as a priority. Yeah, right. Three weeks later and nothing.

Mum has her good days and bad days. She's still not eating hardly anything and wasting away. I asked my sister to follow the advice everyone has given us about taking Mum into the hospital, then refusing to take her back when they want to release her. It's a sad way to do things, but everyone who has had anything to do with an Alzheimer's patient says this is how it works, or doesn't. My sister has been in denial ever since Mum was diagnosed, and nothing has changed. One of my Dad's biggest disappointments was that Wendy would not take the few minutes to watch the video Dad got from his care givers group - a video that explained the regression of the disease and how it affects caregivers. She refused, and it hurt him. Since Dad passed away, all Wendy sees is that she comes down on the weekend for a day, and takes Mum out to breakfast and the casino and bingo - party time, and Mum is okay. She doesn't get to see the "joy" of the rest of the week, when Mum is lost and crying all the time and shaking and upset and terrified. No, she doesn't have to see the reality.

A good friend went through this with her Grandma, and she warned me against leaving it too long, like they did with her. She bounced around the various aunts until no one could take it anymore, then they put her in a care facility. Every time someone visited her she cried and apologized for whatever she had done wrong to be "punished" like this. She had gone too far to be able to understand that this was best for her, and she wasn't being punished for anything. Celia said it's hard, but don't leave it until Mum is like this. Get her into a facility while she's still able to comprehend what it's all about and can enjoy it for a while at least. It would be nice if my family had enough understanding of the disease to be supportive instead of just constantly criticizing. Those of you who look after an Alzheimer's patient know all too well how tough it is without getting additional crap from your own family.

It's sad to watch someone you know and love, who was so full of life, waste away in front of your very eyes. The worst part with Mum is that, although she is 83 years old, her overall health isn't that bad for someone that old. She beat cancer in 1991 and she's stayed pretty active and healthy. Now, the confusion and upset of losing her mind is affecting her health by her refusing to eat. This will only get worse as she loses her grasp on reality more and more. It was heartbreaking to listen to her answer questions on her last assessment by Interior Health. She doesn't know how old she is; she said it was fall; she said her health is excellent - she's "eating like a horse", and her memory is "excellent". The saddest part of Alzheimer's is that they even forget they have Alzheimer's.