Giving my site a purpose

Not sure about this idea, but maybe it will help others in my situation. I'd like to devote this part of my site to helping caregivers who deal with a family member who suffers from Alzheimer's. Maybe some shared stories and ideas will help others to cope with this terrible disease. Worth a try anyway.

My Dad passed away last May and my Mum has Alzheimer's, so I had to drop my life and move in with her to care for her. The only other choice was to put her in a home, which would have killed her after just losing my Dad after 58 years together. Living with a person with Alzheimer's brings difficult challenges, especially when it's someone you know so well. It's tough to watch them waste away slowly. My Dad was really struggling with being her caregiver. He had little patience and constantly blew up at her, always saying "I've told you ten times!", which, of course, doesn't work with an Alzheimer's patient. I have learned unbelievable patience since I took on the responsibility, but it's hard. My Dad believed he had to be here 24/7 to care for her, but this drove him nuts. He waited on her hand and foot, and expected nothing of her. Other than the Alzheimer's she is perfectly healthy and capable of many things. I did things a little differently, like not serving her like a slave. She got her own coffee and breakfast (no cooking, of course) and I expected her to do whatever she was capable of in my mind. She responded well, putting on twenty-five pounds and becoming more independent in the process. But there are still challenges, mostly that they say Alzheimer's patients take it out on the one they love, and this is very true with my Mum. She blows at me for nothing, and can be very cruel, which is not like her at all. I've been thrown out at least twenty times so far. People keep telling me to not take it personally, but that's easy to say, hard to do.

Anyway, I'd like to make this a forum for people in my situation to vent a little and offer any constructive suggestions they have for others. For example, I got her a "Memory Board" - a write on/wipe off white board on which I write important stuff to remember, so that she doesn't ask me ten times. If she has a doctor's appointment I write the day and time on the board. It's simple but it works. If there's anything that comes up during the day that she has asked me a couple of times about, I write it on the board for her.

I guess another purpose here is to share thoughts with other people who know what caring for an Alzheimer's patient is really like. So many of my friends say they understand how difficult it must be, but they really don't know unless they have experienced it first hand. There's also come practical suggestions we can use. For example, I made all of the arrangements for my Dad's service, which we held in the mobile home park where he lived for thirty years. My Dad wanted no tears, so we had a celebration of his life. Lots of pictures, food, music and laughter and everyone who came out said it was how they wanted to be remembered too. The next day my Mum asked if she was there? She couldn't remember even being there, let alone anything that happened. No one, including me, thought to video tape the service for her to watch and remember. Very tragic and such a simple solution.

If you are in a similar situation, please share your thoughts with us.


Poem - Tawni

Happy ‘n Sad

You ask how I am, well, happy ‘n sad
A strange mix of sorrow and glad
Happy for the time that we shared
Sad in a way that so much I cared.

Happy to have held you in my arms
To have had a glimpse of your charms.
Sad that you’re now not around
To bring me the joy I only just found.

Happy we had the chance to meet
And for you to sweep me off my feet.
Sad that our time was all so brief
And that without you there’s grief.

Happy to have shared the laughter
To know clearly it’s you I’m after.
Sad to accept you’ll never be mine
To share with me roses and wine.

Happy to know that I can still learn
For someone like you I can still yearn.
Sad that it’s just not to be
Those joyful thoughts of “you and me”.

Happy to have known a girl like you
To dream of all that we could do.
Sad that I’ll not find another
Who’s just like you – why bother?

Happy to be moved to quiver and shake
Oh, the crazy fool you did make.
Sad that it’s gone almost before it came
Never be together – oh, what a shame.

Happy that I can still see your face
In everywhere you were in my place.
Sad that you’re not still there
For me to show how much I care.

Happy when I think of your smile
Over broken glass, I’d walk a mile.
Sad to know it doesn’t much matter
Thoughts of you are just idle chatter.

Happy to have felt the touch of your lips
Like from a fine wine, sharing a few sips.
Sad that we cannot share a kiss
To cradle your face, that I do miss.

Happy I’m not as cold as I thought
A woman to love I have not sought.
Sad that the one that I found
Is so far away and never around.
Happy to dream she might care for me
In a different place and time it just might be
Sad that we won’t get a chance
To live, love laugh and dance.

Happy to know the feel of your touch
To come to life and sense so much
Sad it was only for a few days
And that you could affect me in so many ways.

Happy to hear the sound of your voice
To think that together was really a choice.
Sad that for you it’s just not right
And you’ll live you life out of my sight.

Happy when my thoughts are of you
To even consider we might be two
Sad when I know it’s not to be
There’s little hope for a “you and me”.

Happy when the phone rings – it’s you!
To share the laughter as only we do.
Sad that it will not go on forever.
Will I ever forget you? No never!

Happy your sunshine was mine for a while
To make me whole again and make me smile.
Sad that love lost is better than none
No matter what, your heart I’d not won.

Happy to know that for you I do write
Thoughts that come in the depths of the night
Sad that my dreams of you
Are no more than that, whatever I do.

Happy to think you’ll always make time
For me to share my thoughts in rhyme.
Sad to think you might want me to quit
That you make me stop will hurt quite a bit.
----------------------------------------------------
Happy that you are still in my life
Thinking I’d lost you would cut like a knife.
Sad that we never gave it a chance
To see if there could have been romance.

Happy that you sound like you’re doing so well.
But if you are truly happy I cannot tell.
You’re focused on a career that’s important to you
But sad that it’s costing you a love so true.

Happy that the strong girl is earning her dreams
That nothing will stand in the way, it seems.
Sad that the soft little girl who lives inside
Came out for such a brief time, but she tried.

Happy that she knows I’ll always care
Wherever life takes her, no matter where.
Sad that she is now so far away
And that forever she could not stay.

Happy in hoping our paths may again cross
Not to dance and laugh would be such a loss
Sad that her path may take her away forever
Not get to blade in Vancouver, maybe never?

Happy to believe it will happen some day
And that somehow we’ll find a way
Happy to think she’ll come back in my life
And I’ll forever dream of her being my, ah, friend.

Love,

Gary